The Van De Van Theatre of the Air Presents:

Dare To Be Stupid IIIa

The Heartbreak of Pstupidity
A Radio Drama of Agonizing Acts 
  Dramatis Personae:
  Eliott T. "Bolt" Locke, P.I. 
Rufus T. "Boom-Boom" Herzberger, P.I. 
William T. "Shingles" Gable, P.I. 
Renna "Dollface" Lugnutz 
Ignatz "Krazy Legs" Lugnutz; 
Louise Lake 
Sgt. "Sarge" Koussevitsky, TCPD 
Marian Lector, librarian 
Mayor Mac Monterey 
Dr. Toshiro Glutamoto 
Dr. Barrie M. Ceres
Scene 1:   
Narrator: Traverse City, 1940 -


    All seems well with the world in this idyllic setting, but across the ocean, the spectre of doom is writhing its shrouded head in infamy. 
    There are no sushi carry-out places in America yet, but Hirohito is out to fix that - and out to stop the spread of pizza places which are already changing Americans' eating habits forever. 
    Here in Traverse City, though, a trio of stalwart Private Eyes (MFX: Peter Gunn theme in) roams the greater metropolitan area in search of danger, mystery, paying clients, and the perfect pepperoni pizza. 

    This is the story of just one of their adventures - look for others coming soon to a retreat center near you! 
    We open in the offices of Bolt, Boom-Boom, and Shingles, Private Eyes (MFX: Peter Gunn theme out) - Bolt is speaking:

Bolt:     It was a dark and stormy night, and I needed a pizza like nobody's business. 
    The rain leaking through the hole in the roof of my office was doing a tap dance on my fedora as I wrung out the phone book, looking for the pizza delivery number. 
    Little did I know what strange twists of fate were in store for me as I dialled 1-800-PEPPERONI and waited for an answer.
Louise:  (SFX: Phone Ring) Hello, Louise Lake's Diner and Hide-Away Lounge, Louise speaking, Archie ain't here.
Bolt:     Hmm. I was looking for a pizza delivery, but my phone book is all wet. I must have the wrong number - unless you can send over a large one smothered in anchovies double quick ...
Louise:     Sorry, pal, no can do. My last delivery boy has mysteriously disappeared. 
    I sent him out with an order of cream of refried bean, sauerkraut, and cauliflower soup over two days ago, and I haven't seen him since. I'm beginning to worry: that's the tenth kid I've lost this month, and it's only the 18th. 
    Maybe I should call a Private Eye. (MFX: Peter Gunn theme)
Bolt:     Lady, that's easier done than said. We're on the case as soon as your credit clears. Thanks for calling Bolt, Boom-Boom, and Shingles. 

    Where are you? We'll stop by and you can fill us in on this caper while you fill us up with some grub. Let's go, boys. 

 copyright by Charlie Van Becelaere, administered by Grand Teuton Press, all rights reserved
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